Proverbs 31:10-31: An Excellent Wife, Who Can Find?

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."

Proverbs 31:30

Today we turn our attention to the matter of an excellent wife. This is surely an important topic, and one we ought to take much care in talking about, as it applies to each of our lives. For women, this chapter teaches them how they can strive to be excellent, God-honoring wives to their present or future husbands. For men, this chapter teaches us what to look for in a future wife (for those of us who aren't married yet) and how to treat our wives (for those of us who are married already). Either way, this chapter in scripture is extremely important as we look at what an excellent wife truly is.

In his commentary, Matthew Henry states seven characteristics of a godly wife from Proverbs 31. An excellent wife:

1. Desires to please her husband.

2. Finds pleasure in painfully serving her family.

3. Is successful because of her own prudence.

4. Takes diligent care of her family.

5. Is charitable to the poor.

6. Speaks with wisdom.

7. Fears the Lord.

That last characteristic, "fears the Lord," is the one that summarizes all the rest. Although all of the other characteristics are surely important, they will all flow out of a genuine fear for the Lord. Thus, the primary goal of any wife (or woman seeking to someday be a wife) should be to fear the Lord, and the primary characteristic for a husband (or man looking to be a husband) to be leading their wives towards or searching to be in their future wives is a fear of the Lord. If a wife does not fear the Lord, she is surely not an excellent wife.

But let us take a moment here to observe one other thing: all of the characteristics listed in Proverbs 31 have nothing to do with outward beauty. Verse 30, listed above, even states that "beauty is vain." Surely this is not the message that our American culture preaches, and so often it is not the message that we believe. So often, we as Christians can be led astray into thinking that a good wife is one that is externally attractive. Now, let me take a moment to point out that there is nothing wrong with external attraction. The Bible even certainly commends being attracted to your spouse because of external factors along with internal ones (see Song of Solomon, but we won't go there fully today...or perhaps ever). But we must remember that the primary thing we should be looking for in a spouse ought to be an internal, God-fearing spirit rather than an external body figure that we find ourselves attracted to.

So, women: how are you striving to be a God-fearing wife? So: men: how are you striving to find a God-fearing wife, and not being distracted by external beaty that is vain and fleeting? Surely we can all be convicted here to live more like God as we seek to be God-fearing and seek to find a spouse who is God-fearing. Amen!