Occasional Rant: Is It Okay to Not Be Okay?

Is it okay to not be okay? Oftentimes in the church world, we hear this phrase a lot. Someone will come into church with something on their shoulders, and we will encourage them with the phrase "it's okay to not be okay." But is it? Is it truly "okay to not be okay"? If it is "okay not to be okay," how do we defend this scripturally? If it is not "okay to not be okay," how do we deal with those who are truly hurting?

Firstly, we must define what question we are actually asking. If I were to ask you what the word "okay" means, what would you answer? According to Google, to be "okay" is to be "satisfactory but not exceptionally or especially good." In other words, to be "okay" is to be "all right" or "just fine," and therefore to not be "okay" would be to be not "all right" and not "just fine." But what does that even mean? Surely we must take it a step further.

In my own experiences, I believe that there are often two reasons someone would refer to themselves as not being "okay," specifically in the church congregation. Firstly, we have the sorrowful Christian. This is the Christian who simply has a lot of rough stuff in his life right now. Perhaps he just had a loved one pass away, is dealing with harsh circumstances at work, or is having trouble parenting his family. Whatever the circumstance may be, this first type of "not-okay" Christian is the one who is simply in a rough spot in his life. Biblically, we would define this person as someone who is sorrowful, lamenting, and heavy-laden.

Secondly, we have the unrepentant Christian.* This Christian is most likely also dealing with rough stuff in his life, but instead of going to the Lord with his troubles, he attempts to deal with them by himself. He may be sorrowful as well, but the main reason why he is "not okay" is because he has not laid all of his anxieties before the Lord. This Christian is choosing to be anxious rather than letting his requests be made known to God (Phil. 4:6), is not casting all of his anxieties on the one who cares for him (1 Peter 5:7), and is not setting his hope fully on his Savior (1 Peter 1:13) but rather on empty things that cannot deliver (1 Sam. 12:21). We have all met people like this, and perhaps have been this person in the past. Biblically, we would define this person as someone who is unrepentant, lukewarm, and foolish.

So, which one of these Christians are truly "okay to not be okay"? From the descriptions above, I hope it is quite obvious. The sorrowful Christian certainly is "okay to not be okay," because all throughout scripture we see a pattern of Christians who are serving God with all of their heart yet are surely "not okay." Job is perhaps the best example. The man lost all that he had and was deeply sorrowful (see Job chapters one through forty-two for a few references), yet the Bible tells us that "in all this Job did not sin with his lips" (Job 2:10b). Furthermore, we could think of the examples of David, Isaiah, Ezekiel, Daniel, Paul, the disciples, and even Christ to see biblical examples of people who are serving the Lord with all of their heart yet are certainly "not okay."

However, we must certainly never say that it is "okay" for an unrepentant Christian* to continue walking in his sin. Oftentimes when we tell unrepentant Christians that "it's okay to not be okay," all they hear is that "it's okay that I keep on sinning." Honestly, I have seen this too many times, especially with youth. Many teens come into youth group with troubles in their lives and we simply tell them "it's okay to not be okay." Although we may have perfectly good intentions, all they hear is "since my life is so hard right now, it's okay to keep coping with it by doing drugs" and "it's okay that I'm fooling around with my girlfriend because that gives me comfort when my family life is stressing me out." When we tell people "it's okay to not be okay," we mean that "it's okay to be sad because that's where God has us sometimes," but often all that people hear is, "it's okay that I keep on sinning."

Thus in conclusion, I would like to argue that the main question when dealing with the phrase "it's okay to not be okay" is whether the person you are telling that phrase to has truly repented of their sin. If someone is going through a rough time in their life, yet has truly released that trial to the Lord, praise be to a God who gives us trials that we might grow in our faith. However, if someone is going through a rough trial in their life and has not released it to the Lord, we must be careful when we tell them "it's okay to not be okay," lest we justify their sinful way of living.

In application, let me suggest a new phrase. Rather that saying to others "it's okay to not be okay," let us speak a more profound, biblical message so that our hearers may come to know Christ better amidst their pain:

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” - Jesus (Matthew 11:28-30)

*In reality, there is no such thing as a "unrepentant Christian," as repenting is the way in which one becomes a Christian (Mark 1:15). What I am refering to here is a true Christian who has repented in the past yet who is currently walking in unrepentance. The biblical character of Jonah would be a good example of this. Perhaps a better way to phrase this would be a Christian who out of his own choices is walking in sin.